3M Performance Plus Nuclear Duct Tape
3M Performance Plus Nuclear Duct Tape
Read our favorite picks for the funniest Amazon reviews of the 3M Performance Plus Nuclear Duct Tape.
5.0 out of 5 stars A Time to Die.
By Kamran Khan
Besides the obvious ball shrinkage, a pseudo calm spread like warm Tuscan Whole Milk through my body upon hearing from John W. Trimmer that the universe had ten minutes left. I didn’t doubt for a second the accuracy of his Zenith Men’s 96.0529.4035/51.M Defy Xtreme Tourbillon Titanium Chronograph Watch. If that watch said the universe was ending in 10 minutes, then we had 10 minutes left in this universe.
Questions filled me like a pregnant pause in an awkward conversation. There was so much I needed to ask John W. Trimmer, and yet the most important question that needed answering had nothing to do with my quest for vengeance of the past 30 years against the No-armed man, who had killed my parents, my wife, my ex-wife, my dog, Skippy, and who, up until about 15 minutes ago, I thought John W. Trimmer as well. Sitting in that clearing in the wild forest by the lake at the base of the cliff in the forests of Johanngeorgenstadt, Germany, having just followed the No-armed man from a David Hasselhoff concert and battled him at the top of that cliff, I pushed back all those questions like the incessant questions of the public going unanswered by government officials to focus on the matter at hand, saving the universe.
“Is there anything we can do to stop the universe from ending?” I asked John W. Trimmer, mesmerized by the play of fire light on his astounding beard. He glanced again at his watch, and if my estimations were accurate, there were about 7 minutes left on that countdown. The look of despair that floated across that warm fire chilled me. “What about that 3M 8979N Performance Plus Nuclear Duct Tape, Slate Blue 48mm Wide x 54.8M Long,” I asked, looking at what had spilled from his backpack. Is that any help?”
He looked up at me, his piercing, green eyes firing through to my very soul. “No,” his voice, once filled with life and fervor, was now a hollow echo of loneliness and death. “Not by itself. Unless you just happened to have a Wenger 16999 Giant Swiss Army Knife, some Uranium Ore and an UZI-TACPEN1-GM Tactical Defender with DNA Catcher.”
I smiled then. Perhaps the universe had a little more than 6 minutes and 44 seconds left to exist after all.
5.0 out of 5 stars Great control of sulfur and slight radioactive activities.
By CCracker
After a long night of beer and hot wings, I decided to overnight this tape to my house, as I knew what was going to happen.
After the epic birthing of a giant brown monster, I used 3M’s performance plus nuclear tape to seal around the bathroom’s door into the bedroom. To my surprise, my wife and children never did smell what I had to endure.
After 5 months, 29 days, I removed the tape, and I was happy to find no sticky residue left on the door frame.
I do see Amazon is now selling this for […] I wish I would have waited, as I did pay full price.
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