Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200ml
Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200ml
5.0 out of 5 stars Calm Before the Storm
By PYGMUS
Veet and other Amazon reviewers warned me not to put this product on certain … sensitive areas of my body. I decided years ago that I never want children of my own, so I ignored these warnings.
Lo, though I soon learned that the prophets which spake of Hell fire verily spake truth!
Within 5 seconds of applying the product to these forbidden regions I felt an increasingly intense burning sensation. Choosing to see this as a challenge to my masculinity I laughed to myself and proceeded to wait for the remainder of the 4 minutes. Sweat was beginning to form on my forehead, but it was finally time to use the little, plastic scrapper thing to rid myself of those cursed hairs.
First swipe with the scrapper – my mouth surely dropped open in horror at the pain. I clearly remember looking down to ensure that only hair was removed and not skin!
Second swipe – random expletives and nervous laughter.
Third swipe – whimpering. Seriously.
Then I got the bright idea of watering down the Veet before continuing with the hair scrapping. I hoped for merciful, healing waters. Instead, the fiery lake of Beelzebub descended upon my flesh!
Realizing then that water was only going to re-activate the now partially dried up Veet, I hurried scrapped off more and more hair. Hobbling to my shower I decided that i would instead wash the Veet and my hair off as fast as I could.
After 15 minutes of washing myself in the shower over and over the pain had greatly subsided. It was finally over! Happily drying myself I remember laughing and thinking “I must have a really high pain tolerance”, once more confident in my masculinity.
Then, to my horror I realized that not only was the pain gone, but that I no longer felt hardly any thing down there! Like a deer staring at headlights I stared downwards while my mind screamed “… did they die?!!”
Lotion – I hastily found my savior and baptized myself with its cool, soothing relief. Ever so slight burning sensation … mild burning … very hot burning … suddenly I felt the pain of a thousand paper-cuts exposed to jalepeno peppers!
Sprinting to my nearby box fan I stood there shaking, hoping for salvation. The cool air changed nothing. I ignored the warnings of the prophets and there would be no mercy for me! For the next 20 or so minutes I paced back and forth desperately waiting for the punishment of my transgression to cease.
Oddly, the pain did cease and quite suddenly. I think that numbness has set in, like when you eat waaay too many hot peppers. Maybe my skin just died. Either way, my trials and tribulations are over, so I am truly joyous!
Heed the words of warning inscribed on the Veet bottle – spare yourself the flames.
5.0 out of 5 stars A warning from across the pond…
By A Chappell
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types…oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn’t have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it’s way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it’s engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering…” Ooooh that feels good “. Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect…:)
